Letter to Mavis

Dear Mavis,

I hope you’re fine and you had a good time since we last met. I ‘m sorry that I haven’t written you a letter in such a long time… But please let me try to explain the reason for this, because I’m feeling terrible at this moment and I would  really need you, my best friend, next to me.

 First of all you know that I went to Malaysia with Guy. Do you remember him? You  met him once while he was in England. I thought he’s the man I‘ll spend my whole life with, but when we were in Malaysia something happened, or, actually, I learnt of something that had already happened.

But I want to start at the beginning of the story: After living in Malaysia for quite a few months, I really started to love this place, the nature, the atmosphere, my husband. We were so happy and this just made me feel more and more sure that he’s the one I would get old with.

The problems started with a young native women who lived in the village next to our house. She has three children and I just had the feeling she’s following us all day. And one day, the worst day in my whole life, Guy told me something I would never have imageined… After I asked Guy some questions about her he suddenly told me that the three children of the Malaysian women were also his children and that before he came to Britain she  had been something like his wife. As you can imagine, I was totally shocked.

I didn’t know how to handle this. Who would have thought of something like that?  I mean she even used to  live in this house. Yes, Guy tried to explain the situation to me. He even asked me if I wanted to live somewhere else with him, but I was to totally unable to have a clear thought for weeks. So I stayed with him, in this disgusting house for a few more months. But  now I've come to the conclusion that I cannot live with him anymore; I have to leave him…

But, now I feel even worse. Regarding the time I had with Guy, I have to admit that we really had an amazing time together and if you start a relationship with somebody you can’t expect that he never had another partner. On the other hand I can't forgive him for not having told me that he already has three children who would live quite close to us before we left for Malaysia. I had a long time to think about this situation and there’s one issue that makes me the villain in this story, the story of my life: I’m not sure if I want to leave him, because of his lie, or because of the fact that his last relationship was with a native woman. I can’t explain why I feel like this, but I somehow also have the feeling that this is the true reason for me to leave him.

Does this make me a bad, racist person? Or is it just normal to feel superior as an English woman in a colony of Britain?

If I am just overreacting right now I could ruin my whole life. Maybe everything could still work out fine   if I just could forgot about his past. However, I will probably never know... I can't stay.

Mavis, I’m also writing you to tell you that I’ll return to Britain. I know it must be confusing for you to read this letter, but I’m glad I still have someone to write to and I hope you understand that even if I’m not sure whether this is a mistake or not, I came to a decision: I will leave Guy, this city, Malaysia. I will return to Britain.

When reading the letter you might think this is definitely a mistake regarding my feelings to him, but even if there are still feelings towards my husband, there is this one disgusting and undescribable emotion that makes me want to cry every single day I’m at this place or even in this country. I don’t know if this is the right decision and neither you nor anybody else can probably tell me. However, now that I've made up my mind, I feel stronger than I've felt in weeks. 

Therefore I would like to ask you to help me into a new life in Britain. I really need a good friend like you when I return. Overall, I hope you can understand me and how I feel. I had a great time here in Malaysia and I wish you could see this beautiful nature in all it’s wonderful colors, but all this doesn’t mean anything if I have no one to share it with. Even worse, if you kind of lost the person to share it with.

You are my best friend, and I very much understand if you can’t understand my decision. Please be assured that if ever you need help I will still be there for you.  I’ll always do my best to help you. I'll let you know soon when exactly I’ll return to Britain. I really hope to see you then.

Thank you for everything you have done for me so far. 

Best wishes,

Doris

by Frank